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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23749705">Firsts</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/cupidsintern/pseuds/cupidsintern'>cupidsintern</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>also on tumblr! [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stranger Things (TV 2016)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, First Kiss, M/M, Mutual Pining, One Shot, Sharing a Bed, the worlds fastest slow burn, yearning longing and tenderness</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:07:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,166</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23749705</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/cupidsintern/pseuds/cupidsintern</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Who was your first kiss?”<br/>That gets a couple boos for being a kiddie question.<br/>“Jenny Mills. Too easy.”<br/>That’s a lie though. Billy knows it’s a lie every time he’s been asked, and every time he’s said Jenny’s full name. Because really she was the second person to ever kiss him.<br/>Steve knows he’s lying, too.<br/>-<br/>A record of every 'first' Steve and Billy have shared throughout their lives, up until senior year.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>also on tumblr! [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1725826</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>291</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>things i wrote that i like the best</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Firsts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>originally posted on tumblr in five parts- as seen below.<br/>i now love childhood friend aus cause they do all the build up for you.<br/>hope you enjoy reading as much as i enjoyed writing!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>part 1</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Truth or dare?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>House parties always devolve into truth or dare eventually. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pick truth!” Heather yells over everyone. “He’s done four dares in a row.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Truth, then.” Billy chuckles, not turning his head to even look at the rest of the group. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who was your first kiss?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That gets a couple boos for being a kiddie question. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jenny Mills. Too easy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s a lie though. Billy knows it’s a lie every time he’s been asked, and every time he’s said Jenny’s full name. Because really she was the second person to ever kiss him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve knows he’s lying, too.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Billy remembers being thirteen and being out in the quarry with Steve, fourteen, to skip stones. Summer, hot like your clothes would stick to your skin and you got blisters on your feet no matter how you wore your shoes. He remembers walking along the edge of where the water began, and Steve pressing a particularly good stone into his hands, flat and thin like you want for skipping. Billy remembers trying to give it back. “You found it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but you’re better at this than me.” Steve shook his head, smiling. “Better at most things.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not true.” Billy said. He turned the stone over in his hands. “Better with girls than I am.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve frowned. Billy had been particularly touchy about the subject of girls lately. Pretty much since summer started. Cause every other boy in their grade had some story about a girl, some experience to share, and Billy didn’t. And he couldn’t figure out why. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It didn’t help that earlier that week Cindy Shukusky had asked Steve to go to the movies and he’d declined because he “didn’t really want to do that again”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey,” Steve took a step toward Billy, hands on hips like he did when he was being serious. “You’re not still mad about the whole thing with Cindy are you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wasn't mad.” Billy kicked a beer can some kids had left behind. Watched it land on the surface of the water and bob a little. “Just reminded me what shit this year’s gonna be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billy-“ Steve tried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, man. No one wants to be the only freshman who’s never been kissed.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not that important-“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure it is.” Billy’s grip tightened on the stone in his hand. “Like some secret I’m not in on cause I haven’t had the </span>
  <em>
    <span>experience-</span>
  </em>
  <span>“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve grabbed Billy's shoulders, pulling him forward. Billy had a chance to get a sharp inhale of breath before Steve kissed him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billy felt like he’d swallowed battery acid, like his heart might claw its way out of his chest. His eyes closed on their own. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t a kiss like a peck, either, it was slightly more than that, slightly more than any 13 year old can be expected to handle. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A </span>
  <em>
    <span>real</span>
  </em>
  <span> kiss. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And just like that it was over. Steve pulled away, let go of Billy's shoulders. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now you have.” He said. Like he'd lent Billy a dollar at lunch. No big deal. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve turned, started walking again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His hair was short back then. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billy realized he’d been clutching the stone in his hand so tight, the edge of it left a red line across the inside of his fingers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He shoved the stone in his pocket before following after Steve. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’d be other ones to skip. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>part 2</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Truth or dare?” It’s Carol’s turn to ask Steve.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Truth,” Steve says, mouth full of doritos.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Boring!” </span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“I’m too fucking baked to do a dare, man.” Steve laughs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine. How old were you when you first smoked weed, anyway?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve thinks for a second. “Fifteen?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fourteen.” Billy calls across their little circle on the floor of the living room. “I know, I was there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fourteen, then.” Steve reaches for more doritos. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Freshman year proper. Billy snuck out of his house to split a joint with Steve in Steve’s backyard. With their legs in the pool. Electric Light Orchestra on the radio, Billy kept trying to get Steve to let him change it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billy was more </span>
  <em>
    <span>experienced</span>
  </em>
  <span> than Steve in this area, didn’t push him, just pulled a little. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Getting high and going swimming was probably not the best idea, but everything feels like a good idea when you’re as baked at they both got, so they stripped out of most of their clothes and got in, and Steve thought for a while how nice it was to feel how smooth water was, and how happy he always was around Billy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their voices echoed around the empty backyard of the emptier house.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Made it feel more full. Better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were just getting out of the water, steam curling off the surface in the night air, off Billy’s skin when Billy stood right directly next to Steve.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Steve asked, giggling at the end of every word before Billy pushed his shoulder and went “tag” before running inside. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve called after him, tripping over his feet a bit, not slipping on the kitchen tile, leaving wet footprints overlapping with Billy’s on the carpet as he chased him up the stairs, down the hall, to his own bedroom where Billy was waiting, laughing. Steve tackled Billy onto the bed knowing full well it would take less than a minute for Billy to pin him down. They'd rough housed like this since they were little. Billy always won.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve was still laughing breathlessly, semi-winded from his run up the stairs and how fogged up his brain was, when Billy pinned him down against the bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve didn’t struggle like he normally did. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He just laid there, chest rising and falling, staring up at Billy. Like maybe he’d never really looked at Billy before. Really looked. And maybe he hadn't. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re so blue.” Pool water dripped from Steve’s hairline into his ear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billy’s grin faltered. “What, my eyes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Steve pulled one of his hands from Billy’s suddenly lax grip. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billy’s smile didn't like, fly away or anything. It just kind of faded into something else. Something that fit the way his breathing stuttered when Steve reached his free hand up to touch water-pruned fingertips to the freckled skin under Billy's eye, cresting his cheekbone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Always liked blue.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billy pushed Steve’s hand away, broke the spell before it got to be too much and he did something stupid. “You’re high.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So are you.” Steve started laughing again, and Billy rolled off him, and they did something else, talked about something else and changed into dry clothes and fell asleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve realized his favorite color was probably blue the next morning, sort of forgot why. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>part 3</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Truth or dare?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Truth.” Heather’s voice was going hoarse from all the yelling of the evening. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How old were you when you first gave head?” Carol was always vicious with truths.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t make her answer that,” Steve tried. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no, I'll say. Vegas rule, right?” Heather was laughing. “Fifteen.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn, Holloway.” Tommy called from where he’d got up to refill his drink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please, hold your applause.” She grinned.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Billy remembered the first time he ever hooked up with a boy with vivid self-awareness so close to shame it made him wince to think about it, because Steve had caught him right after. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was the end of sophomore year. Under the bleachers. After PE, last period. The boy- Robbie Perry-  was a senior. And it wasn’t particularly romantic or anything. Not how Billy'd secretly hoped it would be. Robbie had barely ever spoken more than four words to Billy. Maybe more than four. But it was an answer. A clumsy and awkward answer. Billy had no idea what he was doing, let Robbie kiss him, guide him to his knees, but it was a much needed answer that filled him with more of that same feeling he’d gotten that day at the quarry. When Steve had kissed him. Electric and warm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d be lying if he said he wasn't thinking about Steve the whole time. But he’d lied to himself before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt the guilt of it too, heavy on his tongue when Steve caught him just after Robbie took off, evidence enough of what had happened to have Billy scared that was it, lifetime of friendship over, years of something else even worse. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billy, still with gravel stuck to his knees, still with his skin warm, crouched under the bleachers with Steve looking at him practically open mouthed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That- That was-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A guy, yeah.” Billy rolled his eyes, stood up, glad at least that he wasn't hard in his gym shorts. Less glad that they were sticky between his legs, like the fingers on his left hand where he hadn’t wiped all of it off. He didn't want to have to talk to Steve like his, with what felt like attachment bleeding out of his skin, into the air between them. It was wrong, and bad, and-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve was going to speak again. “I-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You- you can't tell anyone-” Billy got ready to be mean. Knew he should have guessed he wouldn't have to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t.” Steve cut him off, eyes wide. “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>wouldn't</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Like a promise,</span>
  <em>
    <span> I wouldn't do that to you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Billy,” Steve’s tone got softer, more determined- an actual promise. “You’re my best friend. I wouldn't.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And he didn’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Didn’t tell anyone, didn’t say anything. Even got Billy to talk to him about it once or twice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kept his promise.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>part 4</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Truth or dare?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just go with truth, we’re all tired!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Truth.” Steve’s moved to laying on his stomach, propped up on his elbows. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When did you lose your virginity?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When I was sixteen.” Steve clicks his tongue, winks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, at homecoming, right?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Samantha Pearse had to have been the hottest girl in all of their grade Steve’s junior year. She got her braces off and her tits came in and everyone agreed she could probably be a model or something if she wasn't stuck in Hawkins. So a dozen different boys asked her to homecoming. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And she said yes to Steve. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve was ecstatic for two full weeks, mentioned it at least once a day to Billy who was done hearing about it from go. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The most repeated talking point being that Samantha put out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I mean, I don’t like, expect her to or anything,” Steve was rambling over lunch. “But just, you know, how cool would it be if she did. Cause you remember I almost got there with Casey McCarthy, but then she didn't want to but like, what if Samantha </span>
  <em>
    <span>wants</span>
  </em>
  <span> to-” Steve cut himself off. “You’re probably super bored.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep.” Billy faked a smile. “But when has that ever stopped you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Junior year homecoming was a blast, for everyone but Billy. They got tipsy in the parking lot with a few friends and their dates. Billy had met Steve and Samantha there. She was nice. Kinda irritating. And Billy spent most of the evening with Tommy, who was also single by that point in time, but Steve came back to get Billy when </span>
  <em>
    <span>Jump</span>
  </em>
  <span> came on. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And they all ended up at the same after party to get properly drunk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Which is where Steve ended up in a spare bedroom with the one and only Samantha Pearse and had what he would say, with assurance, for a solid four months, was the greatest night of his life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The horribly awkward, painfully vulnerable, greatest night of his life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Firsts are always like that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve, exhausted, drunk, and wearing only his dress shirt was wiping lipstick off on his sleeve when Samantha told him she was spending the night at a friend's house, but that she’d had an amazing time and he should call her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Which he promised he would do. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had to have been 1am when he finally got dressed and came stumbling back down the stairs of the house party to find Billy, alone in the kitchen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve was practically glowing. Telling Billy everything in as much incoherent detail as he could manage, which was very little other than a lot of ‘so cool’s and ‘crazy hot’s. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And even sober, Steve probably wouldn't have been able to tell he was breaking Billy’s heart with every additional word. Billy knew this was gonna happen, he thought he was ready for it, thought it wouldn't bother him because Steve was his best friend and he was straight and he should be happy that Steve was happy because they were </span>
  <em>
    <span>best friends</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why didn’t you stay over here with her, if it was such a good time.” Billy couldn't keep all the bitterness from his voice, but Steve didn't pick up on it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She had to go,” Steve shirt buttons were each one off. “But I probably wouldn't have stayed anyway. You wanted to sleep over at mine, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billy liked staying at Steve’s better any day of the week. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So they crashed at Steve’s. God knows how they made it back, but they did. Steve took a shower, fast asleep as soon as he hit the bed. And Billy had been sleeping next to Steve since they were kids, so why stop now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Except he probably should stop now, because where Steve was out cold, Billy was staring at the ceiling, wide awake, feeling his skin burn where their legs touched like they shouldn't be. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He couldn't have known that as Steve fell asleep, all he was thinking was that no matter who he went to bed with, it always felt right to fall asleep next to Billy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>part 5</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Truth or dare?” Steve’s asking now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Truth.” Billy answers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ever been in love?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billy doesn't want to answer that. “Oh, of course you’d ask that.” he says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What does that mean?” Steve gets all defensive and pretty soon everyone’s teasing him for having no brains and too much heart and he’s laughing, laying on his back with Carol pushing him over with her foot, and the game falls apart. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The party should be over soon anyway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Senior parties were smaller and shorter, but often more fun. Made Billy look forward to college life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billy’s not that drunk anymore, it’s nearly 2am. He’s Steve’s ride home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think anyone’s ever gonna let that whole Nancy thing go, man.” Steve nearly grumbles, siding into the passenger's seat of Billy's car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sure they will. Eventually we’ll all have graduated.” Billy’s rummaging through the compartment in his door.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve laughs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shit,” Billy mumbles when he pulls his hand back. “Hey, be a doll and see if there’s any cigarettes left in my glove box.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Be a doll,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Steve echoes, snorting. “God, you’re so like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billy’s tapping all his jacket pockets when he hears a loud clunk and looks over at Steve bending to pick something up from between his legs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow, I’m so coordinated.” Steve mumbles, sitting back up, with something in hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That thing being a flat, round stone that's been wedged in the back of Billy’s glove compartment since he had a car to hide shit in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billy’s heart’s doing that thing again. Where it wants to get out from between his ribs by any means necessary. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cool rock.” Steve says, flipping it over. “What’s this for?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean.” Billy swallows, not looking at him. “It’s a rock.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on man,” Steve smiles at him. “All the shit you keep in your car is like, important or whatever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billy’s thinking over and over how stupid it is that he even hung onto the rock for this long when he says. “You gave it to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘When?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That one day. At the quarry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The words sink in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billy’s done a lot of shit that a person might stop being friends with him for. Lots of shit, lots of times. And he’s made up for almost everything in some way or another, but he doesn't know how he’s supposed to make up for this, how Steve would ever keep being friends with him after this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“... why’d you keep it?” Steve asks. His voice isn’t much of anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billy might have laughed, did laugh a little, all bitter and closed off like he got, like Steve hated. “Guess.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” Steve shook his head. His voice gained quality, intent. “No, I don’t wanna guess. Tell me. Why’d you keep it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus, Steve. You always need to have your way, huh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why’d you keep the fucking rock, Billy?-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cause I didn’t wanna forget what happened!” Billy snapped at him. “In case it never happened again. I didn’t wanna forget.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billy looked at the hand Steve gripped the stone in. His hands were bigger now than they were, his fingers longer than Billys. The edge of the stone was barely visible from the side of his hand, but his knuckles were almost white from where he gripped the stone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that why you didn't answer my question.” Steve asked more quiet again. “Back there.” He gestured with his head back at the party.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, Steve.” Billy inhaled, sat up. “I know you don’t feel the same way, I get it. So can we please just-”</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“Are you in love with me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billy hates that Steve asks him that, gets ready to say something biting that keeps them apart just so maybe they have a chance at still being friends, and he looks up to say it, but he isn't met with frightened curiously, or understanding anger. He’s met with Steve’s eyes shinier than they usually are, with the gears in his head turning faster than they usually did. Like Steve’s realizing something he’s known and never seen. Never had written down on the inside walls of his skull.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billy doesn't want to hope in case he’s wrong. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But they know each other pretty well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Always have. Always will.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what you want me to say.” Billy, shrugs, digs his fingernails into the steering wheel of the stationary car. Really, conversations in parked cars feel like their own dimension. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billy watches pieces fall into place as Steve opens his mouth and says “I want you to say yes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When you finish a puzzle, if you run your hand over it fast it feels smooth. Perfect. Meant to be and whatever. Which is how Billy feels when Steve leans over the divide in the seats of the Camaro and kisses him again for the first time in four years. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The answer he’s been waiting for, the promise that’s been kept. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They’re both better at kissing now, they keep at it for a while, go back to Steve’s house like they always do, fall asleep next to each other like they always do. But it makes more sense now, why they’d be so close for so long, never one without the other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Billy thinks he’s loved Steve since he was thirteen, right there and then that day at the quarry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Steve’s not so verbal or specific. He thinks he’s loved Billy since before he knew what love was. </span>
</p><p> </p>
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